I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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