Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
