I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
