my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
