I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
