Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've blown a few things in my day
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
