he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He has the fingertips of a God
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