He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
