That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize