The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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