my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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