Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(864): View more from South Carolina

we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me

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(305): View more from Florida

My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.

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(478): View more from Georgia

yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"

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(740): View more from Ohio

well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.

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(916): View more from California

Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.

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(727): View more from Florida

The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.

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