My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
