and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
