i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
