dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
