masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
