I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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