I wish I could punch you in the face.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
