So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
