i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
