I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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