What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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