What a fucking waste of an outfit
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
