addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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