I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
