I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
