never play flip cup with pint glasses
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
