my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
