Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
