I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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