Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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