How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just googled if crying burns calories
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
