3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it's like iHOP with fire
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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