the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
