I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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