shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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