it was like his penis was on wheels.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
