return my video game
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
