You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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