WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How does it feel to date your dad?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
