oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
