I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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