she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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