I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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