so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
