I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
