There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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