Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
