Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
