omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
