Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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