Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
