If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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