My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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