Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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