Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
