Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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