so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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