What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
