I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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