so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
