don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
