PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
