I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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