Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
